New York Makes Me Anxious

but I love it here anyway

I recently returned from the longest trip I’ve been on in a while. For three weeks, I was across the world, reconnecting with community in Mumbai, attending a wedding in Jaipur, and adventuring through Oman on a family vacation. I was often without service, and more often, uneager to open my laptop. After all, I had plenty of time before returning to work, was already with the people I wanted to be with, and had scheduled a few check-ins with those I am responsible to. It didn't happen instantly, but by week three, I felt an intrinsic permission to do less, strive less, and let go of doing anything more than just soaking up the moment.

Then I returned to New York. I had planned ahead as much as possible, organizing classes weeks in advance before leaving the country, scheduling appointments, and using my check-ins to declutter my inbox. All the same, I was instantly overwhelmed by the pace of New York. It’s a double-edged sword, the excitement of the city—it energizes you and makes you feel like you haven’t quite arrived yet all at once. As I opened Instagram, I was instantly overwhelmed. The comparison traps (careful not to fall in), status games (remember you don’t have to play), the latest best places and things—it all had me questioning where I stood and whether I was supposed to replace my soap with Loewe Tomato Leaves.

When I am hit by a wave of anxiety, I give myself 5-10 minutes to feel all my feelings and notice all of my thoughts. Sometimes I jot them down. Then I do something to refresh my mindset: go for a walk, read for 15 minutes, call a loved one, listen to an upbeat song, etc. These are wonderful in-the-moment solutions, but as a long-term New Yorker, I’ve had to develop long-term strategies to keep myself grounded.

1. Spend time with yourself and your feelings. Pay attention to how things make you feel and don’t dismiss your own emotions. This goes for people, places, life events, etc. In my experience, feelings are more likely information than problems. It just takes a long time of sitting with them to begin to see that. The key is to be curious. What’s beneath the surface of those feelings? Is there a need that is unfulfilled? How could you care for those feelings? Slow down and be with yourself. (Hot tip: Meditation helps.)

2. Don’t stress about the big picture. Focus on taking care of Future You day by day, week by week, month by month. I like to sit down on Monday morning and commit to a few doable weekly goals (meditate 2x a day, cook a few times a week, edit a Substack post, etc.). Then, every morning, I do a more in-depth check in (how do I feel today, what would make today successful, etc.). It helps me take things a day or week at a time, instead of stressing about the future. In a city like New York, it can be tempting to match people’s ambition with a 10-year plan, but the best things that have happened in my life—personally and professionally—have come from showing up, doing the work, and then making room to be surprised by what finds me.

3. Say “no” more. It’s okay (joyful, really) to rest. Nobody else has to live your life, and you do not owe it to a single person to do something you don’t want to do. Commit to plans that align with you personally or professionally, and let go of the rest.

4. Make friends with uncertainty. A difficult truth is that we cannot control what happens in life. Overthinking, hyperfixation, constantly planning, and stressing does not change that. Instead of thinking of it as uncertainty, try to reframe it as possibility.

5. Recognize your value and treat yourself accordingly. You are not your greatest shortcoming. You are not your job, and you are not your appearance. You are a culmination of all of your experiences, and there is so much hope, love, wisdom, and light in that. If it helps, count your wins. Remind yourself of your endurance, your persistence, your strength, your courage, and your compassion. You are more than enough as you are, and you’re doing a great job.

6. Have hobbies that are just for you. The mentality of New Yorkers (and other ambitious city people) is often that if it doesn’t further your professional life or make money, it’s not worth it. I agree to disagree. It is wonderful and life affirming to pursue things that have nothing to do with “optimizing” life or work. I have been singing my whole life, simply because it’s creative, it’s expansive, and it brings me joy. Remind yourself that life is about more than being productive.

7. Love on yourself. Hydrating is a love language. Movement is a love language. Eight hours of sleep is a love language. Metta meditation is a love language. A home-cooked meal is a love language. Therapy is a love language. Do it for you.

I love coming home to this city that I’ve chosen as my own. No place is going to feel quite the same as a carefree vacation in the sun, so instead of succumbing to my overwhelm or anxiety, I try to remember that getting back to my “real life” is an opportunity to recommit to the practices that ground me in this magnificent, exciting, place that is full of life. Like changing the sheets or people watching at the park, just reminding myself that I belong here goes a long way.