Confidence is an Inside Job

+ how to put in the work

I’ve never been the loudest person in a room. In fact, when I was young, I was so shy that when we went grocery shopping, my parents would only let me get the snack I wanted if I would actually speak to the person checking us out. Although my job may make it seem otherwise, I rarely want to be the center of attention (unless it’s on camera), and I always notice when people glance my way.

For the longest time, I deeply struggled with the gap that existed between other people’s perception of me and my inner experience of myself. I was a full-time model and actor when I was younger, and people imagined me to be confident and charismatic, living a charmed life. In reality, I was introverted, at times awkward, generally self-effacing, and unsure of myself. As an instructor, I am someone who people see as graceful and surefooted, calming and at ease. But I have scars all over my knees from growing up as the biggest klutz, and I, of course, face moments of self-doubt, whirls of anxiety, and imposter syndrome. Like most people, I’m just doing my best to navigate the ups and downs of life. It took me a long time to realize how universal some of these experiences are.